I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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