If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
