your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
