pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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