Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
