The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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