I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
