if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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