Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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