Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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