Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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