She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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