Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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