Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
