4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
