I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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