You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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