I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
