Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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