Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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