bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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