So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
