just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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