Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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