Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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