I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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