You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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