I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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