There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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