Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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