I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
someone get that fucking seahorse.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
