Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
