No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
