i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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