idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
