Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
