Kiss
Puke
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
