I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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