The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
