I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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