okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
