i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
