My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
