Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
