You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
