THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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