then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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