Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
