So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
