Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
